Finally seeing what He sees…even after all of these years

{Please know: this post is quite personal and includes more details of my life than previously shared; it is with confidence that I share this part of my testimony with the hope of helping others to find the same understanding and perspective as I have.}

I recently took a walk down memory lane this past week when my younger sister graduated from high school.  It has only been two years since I graduated from there myself, yet the memories came back in a flash…

My first two years of high school were typical: I had lots of friends, was active in sports, and earned decent grades.  But, halfway through my junior year, I became strongly influenced by the world.  I struggled with self-image issues and limboed between starving myself and bingeing.  It was a dangerous cycle that not only changed my body but my spirit.  I felt broken, lost, and worthless.

Needless to say, with those feelings on my heart, I stopped hanging out with friends—embarrassed by my struggles and I slid by doing the bare minimum.  I woke up every morning and went to bed every night…but I never lived.  I had nothing to rejoice about and was easily discouraged.  The world was winning the battle.

By the time I graduated, I was a totally different person.  I had shut myself away and sulked in my struggles.  I had lost hope in my previous friendships and just wanted to get out of my small town.  I was looking forward to the fall when I would move away to a new town in a different state where I could ‘reinvent’ myself.

Fast forward (because I cannot tell a short story to save my life and could go on  and on adding every little small detail that you didn’t need to know because I cannot tell a short story to save my life…haha, see what I just did there: okay, now back to my fast forwarded story because I am skipping a part because I cannot tell a short story to save my life:) to where I am at now.  I have reinvented myself…but not in the way I had planned.  You see, my plan was to go to college and be the girl no one in high school thought I could be [again].  I basically wanted vengeance.   I wanted to prove to people that I could be happy (and by happy I mean skinny and beyond gorgeous).

But clearly, God had different plans for me…a plan that only He could write.  Halfway into my freshman year (on February 17, 2011—two years TO THE DAY that I began my struggles) I gave my heart to Christ.  I didn’t really know how much that decision (that I may or may not have understood completely) would change my life.  But I soon enough, grew in my faith with confidence that healing was developing.

It’s been over a year now.  I cannot put into words what the last year of my life has entailed…but I can say that is hasn’t been easy.  Now looking back, I know it was all worth it because…

for the first time in…maybe my whole life…I saw myself as beautiful.

While at my old high school for my sister’s graduation, I took a stop at the main girls bathroom.  Like most things about my hometown, everything was [basically] the same…all but one thing—my reflection.  Instead of seeing the 17-year-old me who was weighed down by so many struggles and had lost hope in a happy life…I saw the Kimberly that God had created—a beautiful woman with a joyful smile and serving heart.  I didn’t see the size or brand name tag on my clothing or the regrets of past choices.  However, I did see one more thing…true beauty.  I saw what God sees, finally.

I find it ridiculously ironic that the same mirror showed both of these perspectives.   But, then again…God has a certain degree of humor He likes to teach with.  Regardless of irony, I honestly almost cried…but I managed to smile instead (because although I was alone in the bathroom I didn’t really want to deal with puffy red eyes and then have to explain why I was crying in the bathroom…although I guess I am now).

This song (which I first heard during the credits of a VeggieTales movie) is a PERFECT musical composition of the experience I am trying to explain, take a listen:

I thank you so very much for making it this far in what I think is my longest post ever.

If this is the first time you’ve heard about the possibilities that a relationship with Christ can bring, I strongly encourage you to contact me so I can talk to you further.  Or, maybe you want to know how to take your faith to the next level.  Regardless of where your faith is at, please know that you can never be too “lost” for God…and no matter how many times you may have failed or strayed, He still wants to work in your life because:

…if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” {2 Corinthians 5:17}

Your past is in the past for a reason…because it’s over.  With Christ, you can experience the ‘reinvention’ of your spirit and be the YOU God created.  You are beautiful.  You are loved.  You are forgiven.  As a matter of fact:

“[You] are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for [you] to do.” {Ephesians 2:10}

So what do you say…will you let God use you?  I mean, He’s already prepared for you an amazing journey.  Trust me, it’s a decision you won’t regret!

Amen?  AMEN!


p.s. You’re a rock star!  Thanks for reading J I promise…I will try not to write a novel next time!


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